The English Consonants and vowels

In the study of English, learning the following rules of English pronunciation will allow rapid improvement in your ability to read and spell English words. Please note that English vowels and the consonant r are often pronounced differently in different countries. The pronunciation described here is that of Canadian English. First the consonants and then the vowels are discussed.

The English consonants are: b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, m, n, p, q, r, s, t, v, w, x, y, z.

The English vowels are: a, e, i, o, u. The letter y can also act as a vowel.

The English Consonants

b For example, big. b is usually pronounced like "b" as in Mandarin pinyin "ba".
However, in a few words, for example comb, b is silent.

c For example, cat. c is usually pronounced like "k" as in pinyin "kan".
However, before e, i or y, for example ceiling or city, c is usually pronounced like "s" as in pinyin "san".

ch For example, chair. ch is usually pronounced somewhat like "q" as in pinyin "qin".

ck For example, back. ck is usually pronounced like "k" as in pinyin "kan".

d For example, desk. d is usually pronounced like "d" as in pinyin "da".

dge For example, bridge. dge is usually pronounced like "zh" as in pinyin "zhan".

f For example, fish. f is usually pronounced like "f" as in pinyin "fu".

g For example, go . g is usually pronounced like "g" as in pinyin "gou".
However, before e, i or y, for example ginger, g is often pronounced like "j" as in pinyin "jin".

gh In some words, for example, laugh, gh is pronounced like "f" as in pinyin "fu".
However, in some words, for example, high, gh is silent.

h For example, head . h is usually pronounced somewhat like "h" as in pinyin "hao".
However, in a few words, for example hour, h is silent.

j For example, jade . j is usually pronounced somewhat like "j" as in pinyin "jin".

k For example, kitchen . k is usually pronounced like "k" as in pinyin "kan".

kn For example, knife . kn is often pronounced like "n" as in pinyin "na".

l For example, leaf . l is usually pronounced like "l" as in pinyin "lao".
However, in a few words, for example talk, l is silent.

m For example, moon . m is usually pronounced like "m" as in pinyin "mao".

n For example, now . n is usually pronounced like "n" as in pinyin "na".

ng For example, sing . The pronunciation of ng is usually similar to Mandarin pronunciation. For example, the ing of sing is pronounced like "ing" as in pinyin "bing".

p For example, paper . p is usually pronounced like "p" as in pinyin "ping".

ph For example, phone . ph is usually pronounced like "f" as in pinyin "fu".

qu For example, quiet . qu is usually pronounced like English kw. For example, the qui of quiet is pronounced like pinyin "kuai".

r For example, read . r is usually pronounced somewhat like "r" as in pinyin "ru".

s For example, sun . s is often pronounced like "s" as in pinyin "san".
However, in some words, for example nose, s is pronounced like English z.
In a few words, for example, television, s is pronounced a little like "zh" as in pinyin "zhi"; however, the tongue does not stop the flow of air at the beginning of the sound, as is the case with pinyin "zhi".

sh For example, ship . sh is usually pronounced somewhat like "x" as in pinyin "xiao".

t For example, tea . t is usually pronounced like "t" as in pinyin "tou".

tch For example, kitchen . tch is usually pronounced somewhat like "ch" as in pinyin "cha".

th For example, think . th is usually pronounced a little like "x" as in pinyin "xiao"; however, the tip of the tongue must be placed between the front teeth.
In some words, for example think, th is aspirated (i.e. pronounced with a puff of air).
However, in some words, for example this, th is not aspirated.

tion For example, action . tion is often pronounced like pinyin "shen".

v For example, television . v is pronounced a little like "w" as in pinyin "wei"; however, the lower lip must touch the top front teeth.

w For example, water . w is usually pronounced like "w" as in pinyin "wan".

wh For example, what . wh is usually pronounced like "w" as in pinyin "wan".

wr For example, write . wr is usually pronounced somewhat like "r" as in pinyin "ru".

x For example, box . x is usually pronounced like English ks, where k is pronounced like "k" as in pinyin "kan", and s is pronounced like "s" as in pinyin "san".
However, at the beginning of a word, for example xylophone, x is often pronounced like English z.

y For example, yesterday . y is often pronounced like "y" as in pinyin "ye".
In some words, for example city, y is pronounced like pinyin "yi".
In some words, for example fly, y is pronounced like pinyin "ai".

z For example, zoo . z is pronounced a little like "z" as in pinyin "zi"; however, the tongue does not stop the flow of air at the beginning of the sound, as is the case with pinyin "z".



The English Vowels

a Before two consonants, for example sand, the pronunciation of a is usually similar to Mandarin pronunciation. For example, the san of sand is pronounced like pinyin "san".
Before a single consonant at the end of a word, for example fan, the pronunciation of a is usually similar to Mandarin pronunciation. For example, fan is pronounced like pinyin "fan".

Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, for example fate, a is usually pronounced like "ei" as in pinyin "mei".

Before l, for example all, a is usually pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".
After qu or w, for example water or squash, a is often pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".

ai For example, rain. ai is often pronounced like "ei" as in pinyin "mei".

au For example, daughter. au is usually pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".

aw For example, saw. aw is usually pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".

ay For example, day. ay is usually pronounced like "ei" as in pinyin "mei".


e Before two consonants, for example desk, e is usually pronounced like "e" as in pinyin "ye".
Before a single consonant at the end of a word, for example bed, e is usually pronounced like "e" as in pinyin "ye".
Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, in some words, for example ever, e is pronounced like "e" as in pinyin "ye".

Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, in some words, for example even, e is pronounced like pinyin "yi".
At the end of very short words, for example be, e is usually pronounced like pinyin "yi".

At the end of a word, for example fate, e is usually silent. However, very short words are an exception, for example be.

ea In some words, for example, bead, ea is pronounced like pinyin "yi".
However, in some words, for example, head, ea is pronounced like "e" as in pinyin "ye".

ee For example, green. ee is usually pronounced like pinyin "yi".

er For example, her. er is usually pronounced somewhat like pinyin "er".

ew For example, new. ew is often pronounced somewhat like "u" as in pinyin "tu".


i Before two consonants, in some words, for example mint, the pronunciation of i is similar to Mandarin pronunciation. For example, the min of mint is pronounced like pinyin "min".
Before a single consonant at the end of a word, for example pin, the pronunciation of i is usually similar to Mandarin pronunciation. For example, pin is pronounced like pinyin "pin".

Before two consonants, in some words, for example wild, i is pronounced like pinyin "ai".
Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, for example like, i is usually pronounced like pinyin "ai".

ie In some words, for example, tie, ie is pronounced like pinyin "ai".
However, in some words, for example, shield, ie is pronounced like pinyin "yi".


o Before two consonants, in some words, for example rock, o is pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".
Before a single consonant at the end of a word, for example not, o is usually pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".

Before two consonants, in some words, for example old, o is pronounced like pinyin "ou".
Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, for example note, o is usually pronounced like pinyin "ou".

oa For example, boat. oa is usually pronounced like pinyin "ou".

oe For example, toe. oe is often pronounced like pinyin "ou".

oi For example, coin . The o is pronounced like pinyin "ou", and the i is pronounced like pinyin "yi".

oo In some words, for example, moon, oo is pronounced like "u" as in pinyin "tu".
However, in some words, for example, book, oo is pronounced somewhat like "e" as in pinyin "he".

ou In some words, for example, round, ou is pronounced like pinyin "ao".
However, ou also has several other pronunciations. In some words, for example "thought", ou is pronounced somewhat like pinyin "a".
In some words, for example "although", ou is pronounced like pinyin "ou".
In some words, for example "through", ou is pronounced like "u" as in pinyin "tu".
In some words, for example "should", ou is pronounced somewhat like "e" as in pinyin "he".
In some words, for example "enough", ou is pronounced somewhat like "o" as in pinyin "wo", but with the mouth opened a little wider.


ow In some words, for example, now, ow is pronounced like pinyin "ao".
However, in some words, for example, pillow, ow is pronounced like pinyin "ou".

oy For example, boy . The o is pronounced like pinyin "ou", and the y is pronounced like pinyin "yi".


u Before two consonants, in some words, for example pull, u is pronounced somewhat like "e" as in pinyin "he".
Before a single consonant at the end of a word, in some words, for example put, u is pronounced somewhat like "e" as in pinyin "he".

Before two consonants, in some words, for example duck, u is pronounced somewhat like "o" as in pinyin "wo", but with the mouth opened a little wider.
Before one consonant at the end of a word, in some words, for example sun, u is pronounced somewhat like "o" as in pinyin "wo", but with the mouth opened a little wider.

Before a single consonant followed by a vowel, for example June, u is usually pronounced like "u" as in pinyin "tu".

ue For example, blue. ue is usually pronounced like "u" as in pinyin "tu".

ui For example, fruit. ui is often pronounced like "u" as in pinyin "tu".

Some Common English Transition Words and Phrases

Adding Information and not only . . . but also also moreover (more formal) furthermore (more formal) in addition (more formal)	Examples We have seen the movie twice, and now we want to see it again. Not only did my brother break his leg, but he also bruised his rib. My friend speaks Korean and English. She also speaks Chinese. Cheating is dishonest. Moreover, it hinders students from learning. Students should be on time. Furthermore, they must be prepared. You must complete this essay by 5 p.m. In addition, you must do the exercises on page 47.
Giving Examples for example for instance specifically in particular The first (second, another, etc.) example/reason is . . .	Examples I have been to many countries. For example, I have been to Russia, Canada, Mexico, and Spain. He often eats strange foods. For instance, he once ate cow brains. I like to travel. Specifically, I enjoy places with old cathedrals. I love fruit. In particular, I like bananas, pineapple, and berries. My friend hates skiing for several reasons. The first reason is that she dislikes being cold. Another reason is that she often falls.
Showing a Contrast but however on the other hand otherwise instead in contrast (more formal)	Examples Bill earned an A on his essay, but Susan got a B. We wanted to leave at 8:00. However, Mike arrived too late. She hates housecleaning. On the other hand, she doesn't mind cooking. Students should attend class. Otherwise, they may lose their status. I am not going out tonight. Instead, I will stay home and watch a video. Women usually enjoy shopping. In contrast, men often dislike it.
Showing a Concession yet nevertheless (more formal) even so however although even though despite the fact that . . . despite	Examples He knows that he should do his homework, yet he never does it. I need to wear reading glasses. Nevertheless, I hate how I look in them. I know you don't like to study. Even so, you must pass your exam. There are many benefits to exercising. However, you must take some precautions to avoid injury. Even though the book is difficult to read, it is very interesting. Although the book is difficult to read, it is very interesting. Despite the fact that Kate is good at tennis, she lost the match. Despite Kate's skill at tennis, she lost the match.
Showing a Similarity likewise (more formal) similarly (more formal) in the same way	Examples Math was hard for me in high school. Likewise, it is hard in college. Houseplants require much care and attention. Similarly, outdoor plants must be cared for properly. Rock climbing takes much practice and skill. In the same way, learning to write well requires a great deal of practice.
Showing a Result so as a result therefore thus (more formal) as a consequence consequently (more formal)	Examples Janet passed her exam, so she is very happy. Tim was late. As a result, we could not go to the concert. James is not feeling well. Therefore, he will not be here today. The committee voted against the proposal. Thus, we must consider another idea. I forgot that the cake was in the oven. As a consequence, it burned. Tina lost her keys. Consequently, she could not drive home.
Establishing Time Relation or Sequence first second finally in conclusion in summary meanwhile	Examples First, I think that she is studying hard. Second, I believe that she is a bright student. Finally, I know that she has great potential. In conclusion, I feel that she deserves to win the scholarship. In summary, we should offer her some financial help. Jeff was working hard to clean the house. Meanwhile, his brother was watching television.
Showing a Condition or whether . . . or if . . . (then)	Examples I must study hard, or I will fail my exam. Whether you are coming or not, I am still going to Amy's party. If you want to get good grades, then you must do your homework.
Explaining or Emphasizing in fact actually in other words namely (more formal)	Examples The bookstore sells cards. In fact, they have the best cards around. James is actually the first person I have known who has been to Africa. He was late to class again. In other words, he didn't wake up on time. The plan needed only two things to succeed—namely, time and money.
Giving an Alternative or either . . . or neither . . . nor (more formal)	Examples We can go to the beach, or we can go to the mountains. You can either ride the bus or walk to my apartment. I like neither that person nor his brother.

Punctuation Rules

1. Coordinating Conjunctions (and, but, or, yet, so):
   Put a comma before these conjunctions. (Don't use them at the beginning of a sentence in more formal writing.)
   example: The movie has already started, but my friend has not arrived yet.
   


2. Correlative Conjunctions (These have two parts: either . . . or):
   • Put a comma before the second part if it connects 2 clauses (complete sentences).
     example: Eric is not only an outstanding teacher, but he is also a gourmet cook.
   
   
   • You don't need a comma if it only connects words or phrases.
     example: Eric is not only an outstanding teacher but also a gourmet cook.


3. Transitional Words and Phrases:
   • Put a comma after these if they are at the beginning of a sentence.
     example: I like to travel. Specifically, I enjoy places with old cathedrals.
   
   
   • Use a semicolon to connect the two sentences.
     example: I like to travel; specifically, I enjoy places with old cathedrals.
   
   
   • Use a comma before and after the transitional word/phrase in the middle of a clause.
     example: I like to travel, and, specifically, I enjoy places with old cathedrals.

Sentences: Simple, Compound, and Complex

SIMPLE SENTENCE

A simple sentence, also called an independent clause, contains a subject and a verb, and it expresses a complete thought. In the following simple sentences, subjects are in yellow, and verbs are in green.

A. Some students like to study in the mornings. B. Juan and Arturo play football every afternoon. C. Alicia goes to the library and studies every day.

The three examples above are all simple sentences. Note that sentence B contains a compound subject, and sentence C contains a compound verb. Simple sentences, therefore, contain a subject and verb and express a complete thought, but they can also contain a compound subjects or verbs.

COMPOUND SENTENCE

A compound sentence contains two independent clauses joined by a coordinator. The coordinators are as follows: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so. (Helpful hint: The first letter of each of the coordinators spells FANBOYS.) Except for very short sentences, coordinators are always preceded by a comma. In the following compound sentences, subjects are in yellow, verbs are in green, and the coordinators and the commas that precede them are in red.

A. I tried to speak Spanish, and my friend tried to speak English. B. Alejandro played football, so Maria went shopping. C. Alejandro played football, for Maria went shopping.

The above three sentences are compound sentences. Each sentence contains two independent clauses, and they are joined by a coordinator with a comma preceding it. Note how the conscious use of coordinators can change the relationship between the clauses. Sentences B and C, for example, are identical except for the coordinators. In sentence B, which action occurred first? Obviously, "Alejandro played football" first, and as a consequence, "Maria went shopping. In sentence C, "Maria went shopping" first. In sentence C, "Alejandro played football" because, possibly, he didn't have anything else to do, for or because "Maria went shopping." How can the use of other coordinators change the relationship between the two clauses? What implications would the use of "yet" or "but" have on the meaning of the sentence?

COMPLEX SENTENCE

A complex sentence has an independent clause joined by one or more dependent clauses. A complex sentence always has a subordinator such as because, since, after, although, or when or a relative pronoun such as that, who, or which. In the following complex sentences, subjects are in yellow, verbs are in green, and the subordinators and their commas (when required) are in red.

A. When he handed in his homework, he forgot to give the teacher the last page. B. The teacher returned the homework after she noticed the error. C. The students are studying because they have a test tomorrow. D. After they finished studying, Juan and Maria went to the movies. E. Juan and Maria went to the movies after they finished studying.

When a complex sentence begins with a subordinator such as sentences A and D, a comma is required at the end of the dependent clause. When the independent clause begins the sentence with subordinators in the middle as in sentences B, C, and E, no comma is required. If a comma is placed before the subordinators in sentences B, C, and E, it is wrong.

Note that sentences D and E are the same except sentence D begins with the dependent clause which is followed by a comma, and sentence E begins with the independent clause which contains no comma. The comma after the dependent clause in sentence D is required, and experienced listeners of English will often hear a slight pause there. In sentence E, however, there will be no pause when the independent clause begins the sentence.

COMPLEX SENTENCES / ADJECTIVE CLAUSES

Finally, sentences containing adjective clauses (or dependent clauses) are also complex because they contain an independent clause and a dependent clause. The subjects, verbs, and subordinators are marked the same as in the previous sentences, and in these sentences, the independent clauses are also underlined.

A. The woman who(m) my mom talked to sells cosmetics. B. The book that Jonathan read is on the shelf. C. The house which AbrahAM Lincoln was born in is still standing. D. The town where I grew up is in the United States.

Adjective Clauses are studied in this site separately, but for now it is important to know that sentences containing adjective clauses are complex.

Adjective clause

Adjective clause adalah klausa yang berfungsi sebagai adjektiva. Seperti telah kita ketahui, adjektiva adalah kata yang menerangkan nomina. Jadi, adjective clause juga berfungsi demikian, yaitu memberi keterangan pada nomina.

Adjective clause dimulai dengan relative pronoun atau relative adverb.

Berikut ini beberapa contoh adjective clause:

Adjective clause dengan relative pronoun
Contoh:
The man who is sitting over there is my father.
The book which you bought yesterday is very interesting.
This is the place that I visited some years ago.
Mr. Bambang whose son is my friend is presenting a paper in a seminar.

Adjective clause dengan relative adverb
Contoh:
This is the reason why she did it.
The time when the plane takes off and lands will be changed soon.
Palembang is the place where I was born.

Dalam contoh-contoh di atas bisa kita lihat bahwa adjective clause tersebut menerangkan nomina yang ada di depannya (antecedent).
Misalnya:
Adjective clause who is sitting over there menerangkan nomina the man.
Adjective clause why she did it menerangkan nomina the reason.

adjective Clause digunakan untuk memberi keterangan, identitas, dan informasi lain kepada katabenda (Antecedent). Dalam struktur Adjective Clause ditandai dengan Relative Pronoun, yaitu: who, whom, whose, which, when, where, why, dan that.

Who
digunakan untuk orang dalam posisi subjek (human as subject).

Whom
digunakan untuk orang dalam posisi objek (human as object).

Which
digunakan untuk benda, baik dalam posisi subjek atau objek (non-human as subject/object).

That
digunakan sebagai subtitusi who, whom, atau which.

Whose
digunakan untuk kepemilikan.

When
digunakan untuk waktu.

Why
digunakan untuk sebab.

Contoh :
My English teacher is the man who Is standing near the pillar.
The house where I live is being rdwvated.

Adjective clause dibagi menjadi dua macam, yaitu:

1. Important (defining) adjective clause, yaitu adjective clause yang merupakan informasi penting bagi antecedent.

2. Unimportant (undefining) adjective clause, yaitu adjective clause yang merupakan informasi yang tidak penting bagi antecedent .

Contoh :
Important
Bob’s brother that (who) lives in New York is an actor.

Meaning
Bob has more than one brother.

Unimportant
Bob’s brother, who lives in New York is an actor.

Meaning
Bob has only one brother.

Catatan :
Dalam important adjective clause, relative pronoun, seperti: who, whom, which dapat digantikan dengan that; sedangkan dalam unimportant adjective clause tidak.

9 cara meminta maaf kepada pasangan kita

Siang ini saya ingin mengangkat topik tentang romantisme hubungan antara dua insan yang memadu kasih... Hehe.. Topik yang hot gitu lah.. hehe.. Itu berarti siang ini kita bicara soal CINTA.. Bagaimana menurut kalian? Menarik gak tuh topik. Tentu saja menarik donk ya...^_^

Bicara soal cinta tentu kita bicara soal hubungan dengan kekasih atau pasangan kita. Hubungan disini bisa bermakna hubungan suami istri atau hubungan yang masih dalam taraf pacaran. Kok tiba-tiba bahas itu? Awalnya sih cuma sekedar iseng doank, tapi kayanya kalau dipikir-pikir asyik banget bisa ngobrolin tentang tuh topik.LOVE, LOVE, and LOVE.

Sudah bukan rahasia lagi kalau dalam membina hubungan dengan pasangan pasti ada ups and downsnya, betul? Hehehe... Itu mah wajar banget, itulah bumbunya hubungan biar gak monoton. Menurut saya, hadirnya masalah dalam hubungan sepasang kekasih itu perlu karena beberapa alasan. Pertama, dengan hadirnya masalah itu, dua insan yang memadu kasih ini bisa belajar mendewasakan diri dalam menyelesaikan persoalan mereka. Kedua, pasang surut masalah bisa menjadi ajang untuk saling melengkapi satu sama lain. Sudah merupakan konsequensi logis bahwa menjalin hubungan itu gak akan pernah perfect, pastinya selalu ada kurangnya. Entah itu datangnya dari diri kita sendiri atau dari pasangan kita. Nah, untuk membina harmoni itu kita harus bisa memposisikan diri, jika kekasih kita memiliki kekurangan maka kitalah yang akan membenahi atau melengkapinya. Sebaliknya juga jika kita berkekurangan, maka pasangan kitalah yang akan mengisi kekurangan itu. Jika hal ini tidak bisa kita pahami, maka hubungan kita akan hancur, kenapa? Ya karena masing-masing mempertahankan ego. Boleh percaya boleh gak, kalau masing2 udah main ego, hubungan itu gak bakalan langgeng.

Kadang kalau udah egois, kita sering melakukan kesalahan pada pasangan. Timbullah kemudian sikap saling menyalahkan. Perpecahanpun kemudian tak terelakkan. Ketika perpecahan itu datang dan akhirnya kita mutusin break up, kita baru menyesal akan tindakan kita. Penyesalan kita baru kita sadari setelah kita kehilangan pasangan kita, padahal kita begitu mencintainya bukan? Sebelum itu terjadi, alangkah baiknya jika kita memperbaiki diri ataupun meminta maaf pada pasangan kita akan kesalahan yang telah kita lakukan. Bagaimanakah cara meminta maaf kepada pasangan kita jika kita melakukan kesalahan? Untuk lebih jelasnya follow these tips..

1. Carilah cara untuk menemui pasanganmu.

Kenapa harus mencari cara agar bisa menemui pasanganmu? Ya karena bisa jadi pasanganmu itu kalau lagi marahan gak mood banget untuk ketemu kamu, meskipun sebenarnya dia juga kangen sama kamu. Moment-moment seperti ini biasanya egoisme pasangan kita sedang berapi-api. Itu juga karena kesalahan kita, kita yang memulainya. Jadi buatlah rencana yang jitu agar kamu bisa menemuinya. Ingat! Jangan hanya meminta maaf lewat sms, karena mungkin pasangan kita akan menganggap kita tidak bersungguh-sungguh minta maaf.

2. Jika telah telah menemuinya, ungkapkanlah permohonan maaf yang sejujurnya.

Tentunya minta maaf bukan sekedar lips service, atau sekedar di bibir saja. Ekspresikan permohonan maafmu dengan sejujurnya, setulusnya. Yakinkankan dirinya bahwa kamu benar2 menyadari telah melakukan kesalahan padanya, dan ekspresikan permohonan maaf itu all out. Tentu saja, ekspresi wajah juga harus mendukung. Ekspresikan kesedihan kamu dan penyesalan kamu bahwa kamu benar telah menyesal, dan katakan padanya bahwa kamu sangat gundah jika kehilangannya. Ungkapkanlah maaf yang tulus dan bukan sekedar akting. Tunjukan permohonan maaf yang sebenar-benarnya sampai ia yakin..

3. Doronglah pasanganmu untuk curhat alias ngebicarain bagaimana perasaannya atas kesalahan yang kamu perbuat.
Tentunya kita ingin mengetahui kesalahan yang telah kita perbuat bukan? Jangan sampai kita lupa melakukan hal ini, karena jika iya, itu berarti kita lupa diri, lupa akan kesalahan2 kita dan itu bisa jadi membuat ia tidak akan memaafkan perbuatan kita. Di samping itu, dengan mendorong pasangan kita membicarakan perasaan yang dialaminya itu akan membantunya sedikit lebih merasa ringan. Biasa sang kekasih akan membicarakan panjang lebar kesalahan kita yang tentunya sangat menyakitkan baginya. Dan mendorongnya curhat akan membuatnya feels better.

4. Mintalah pasanganmu untuk memberitahu apa saja yang harus kamu lakukan untuk memperbaiki kesalahan yang telah kamu perbuat.
Ini bagian yang cukup penting. Kenapa penting? Karena itu berarti kamu menunjukan keseriusan untuk memperbaiki kesalahan kamu sedetail mungkin. Dan tentunya hal ini akan sangat membantu kamu memperbaiki citra kamu dimata pasanganmu.

5. Berjanjilah padanya bahwa kamu tidak akan melakukan kesalahan yang sama dua kali.

Coba kenalilah kesalahan yang telah kamu lakukan, berhati-hatilah dalam bertindak agar kamu tidak melakukannya untuk ke dua kalinya. Ungkapkanlah hal ini kepadanya dan berjanjilah untuk tidak melakukannya lagi di kesempatan lain.

6. Hargailah perasaan pasanganmu.

Ingatlah bahwa hubungan cinta itu terbentuk oleh adanya perasaan sayang dan adanya penghargaan satu sama lain. Pada dasarnya, kita manusia masing-masing memiliki egoisme individualistis. Kita harus mampu memenej egoisme ini. Jika ada hal yang kurang darinya, maka leburlah egoisme kita untuk menyalahkan pasangan. Jika dia memiliki kekurangan, tugas kitalah yang melengkapinya. Maka dari itu kita perlu menumbuhkan sikap menghargai bentuk cinta pasangan kita baik dalam perbuatan dan perasaannya.

7. Ajaklah pasangan kita menimkmati makan malam romantis bersama.

Ini adalah salah satu cara untuk memperbaharui memori yang buruk menjadi memori yang baik. Berilah sesuatu seusai makan malam romantis itu. Pemberian ini bukan sogokan, tapi suatu bentuk rasa care kita terhadap pasangan kita. Berikanlah sesuatu yang bermakna baginya, mungkin suatu hal yang pernah diinginkannya tapi belum dapat dia wujudkan. Kalau dia suka nonton tapi belum pernah bisa melakukannya, mungkin bisa juga mengajaknya nonton bioskop setelah makan malam.

8. Tulislah permohonan maaf pada media kertas kecil, tempatkan di tempat yang dia bisa lihat.

Ungkapkan dalam tulisan itu betapa berartinya dia bagi kamu. Tambahan bunga juga cukup romantis tuh.. boleh dipakai.. hehehe..

9. Jika dia udah memaafkan kamu, alihkan pembicaraan pada hal-hal yang dia suka.

Fokuskan perhatian padanya, itu yang ia butuhkan. Semakin kamu memfokuskan pembicaran tentang dia, maka dia bisa melihat bahwa kamu sungguh2 ingin berubah. Pada dasarnya kekasih kita selalu ingin menjadi pusat perhatian. Jika kita bisa melakukan ini maka kita akan sukses mendapatkan kembali cintanya dengan full.

cara menjadi orang yang bijaksana

Bagaimanakah sebaiknya kita berkepribadian? Apakah menjadi pintar atau bijak? Pertanyaan ini mengiang-ngiang ditelinga aku. Soalnya selama ini aku merasa sudah 'pintar' dalam menyelesaikan masalah, sayangnya lebih sering masalah itu berakhir dengan merugikan orang lain. Sementara hidup kalau hanya merugikan orang lain serasa nggak hidup. Setelah membaca artikel dari Bundadontworry, saya jadi paham bahwa baiknya orang itu memilih menjadi bijak ketimbang menjadi seorang yang pintar. Aku pikir juga begitu, karena menurut aku keputusan yang pintar itu kadang tidak solutif tapi malah mengundang masalah2 lainnya. Sebailknya kalau keputusan itu diambil secara bijak, tak perlu ada yang dirugikan dan semua pihak dapat merasakan kenyamanan berjalan beriringan dan berbarengan. Alangkah indahnya kalau dapat hidup dengan bijak itu. Terus aku mulai cari-cari referensi tentang apa itu menjadi bijak dan bagaimana caranya atau langkahnya agar aku bisa belajar menjadi bijak. Apakah bijaksana itu dapat diperoleh dengan mudah? Inilah hasil wawancaraku setelah nanya2 ama mbah google di rumahna.. alah.. hehe.. Simak terus yah..

Mbah bijaksana itu apa sih?

Setelah mendapatkan pertanyaan dariku, simbah mulai manggut-manggut dan berpikir, nampaknya dia sedang mengurutkan jutaan file dari memori kepalanya. Emang sih biasanya mbah google seperti ini, berpikir dulu baru mengatakan jawabannya. Tanpa basa-basi, si mbah langsung nyrocos, 'Anak muda', kata si mbah google dengan suara seraknya, ' Bijaksana itu adalah sebuah kemampuan dimana kita bisa melihat dan memahami sesuatu yang benar atau salah dan dapat mengambil keputusan secara mandiri. Bagaimana, sudah paham anak muda?'

'Alhamdulilah sudah mbah, mulai agak paham.' Si mbah kemudian melanjutkan penjelasannya lagi.

'Bijak juga dapat diartikan sebagai sebuah keadaan dimana kita selalu tetap tenang, dapat berpikir jernih sebelum melakukan tindakan, dapat menentukan sikap secara mandiri dan bukanlah seorang yang mudah terperangkap terhadap pandangan2 umum orang yang biasanya salah dan sangat tergeneralisir. Seorang yang bijaksana biasanya memiliki pandangan yang luas terhadap sebuah masalah, dan biasanya selalu memandang masalah dalam konteks yang luas, dan bukanlah orang yang berpandangan sempit. Juga seorang yang bijaksana, ketika membuat sebuah keputusan bukan hanya mementingkan diri sendiri tapi memikirkan bagaimana keputusannya itu tidak merugikan orang lain.' Wah aku jadi semakin paham dengan penjelasan ini.

Sepertinya si mbah ini tahu segalanya. Aku semakin penasaran pengen tahu, sepertinya masih ada pertanyaan yang mengganjal dalam hati, dan kudu langsung ditanyain ke beliau.

Maaf lancang Mbah, apakah aku harus tua dulu baru bisa bijak kayak si Mbah gitu?

Si Mbah berpikir lagi, tapi tidak lama, hanya semenit berpikir, si Mbah langsung ngomong. 'Anak muda, besar kecilnya usia tidak menentukan apakah seorang itu bijak atau tidak. Boleh jadi kamu menemui simbah-simbah meminta petunjuk, tapi malah diberikan petunjuk yang salah. Asal kamu punya ciri-ciri sifat seperti yang saya sebutkan di awal, kamu tentu lebih bijak dari orang tua berumur. Okay.' Terus kujawab, 'Nggih mbah.' Tapi gimana caranya bisa bijaksana?

Mbah untuk memperoleh pencerahan atau kebijaksanaan itu, caranya gimana?

Si mbah berpikir lagi, seolah mencari-cari file yang berguna buatku. Dia membuka sebuah buku pencerahan cina. Terus dibacakannya untuk. 'Ini dia anak muda, tahu konfusius ga?' Tanya si Mbah padaku. 'Aku ndak tahu mbah' jawabku. Terus si Mbah membacakan salah satu halaman di buku itu, ' Oke anak muda. Untuk jawaban pertanyaan kamu, seorang filosof cina, Confucius yang saya maksudkan tadi, pernah berkata bahwa sifat bijaksana itu bisa dipelajari lewat 3 cara, (1) Refleksi diri hingga mendapatkan pencerahan (bertanya pada diri sendiri); (2)Mencontoh kepribadian bijaksana dari orang lain; dan (3) Mempelajarinya lewat Pengalaman. Jadi kamu tinggal pelajari aja lewat salah satu diantaranya atau ketiga-tiganya.'

'Oke mbah' jawabku simple sambil manggut-manggut tanda bahwa aku paham. Sebelum aku memutuskan pulang aku perlu menanyakan langkah2nya, at least biar aku tahu memulainya mulai dari mana.

Mbah pertanyaan terakhir, langkah2nya bagaimana, Maksud aku stepnya agar menjadi bijaksana itu?

Nampaknya si Mbah menikmati percakapan ini, aku pikir mungkin karena memang si Mbah ini suka berbagi kok, jadi kalo ada yang bertanya pasti dia gak bakalan setengah-setengah ngasih jawabannya. Si mbah lalu memulai memberikanku nasihat bagaimana memulainya. 'Anak muda saya sangat appreciate karena kamu mau belajar. Ok deh kalau gitu saya bagi tips saya untuk kamu. Biar kamu bisa menjadi bijak kayak si Mbahmu ini.

1. Kenali diri kamu. Kenapa harus begitu? Karena dengan cara ini kamu tahu kekurangan dan kelebihan kamu. Dengan mengetahui kekurangan dan kelebihan itu belajarlah mencintainya alias mencintai dirimu. Sebab kalau kau benci dirimu dan kekuranganmu kamu akan lebih sering berbuat masalah terhadap orang lain. Masih ingatkan? Orang bijak itu berpikir solutif dan tidak membuat masalah berlarut-larut.

2. Sadarilah atau Anggaplah bahwa kamu tidak tahu apa-apa. Orang bijak itu biasanya terus belajar, mereka tidak memandang diri mereka pintar, karena masih banyak hal yang mereka masih belum ketahui. Kalau perlu anggap we know nothing, sehingga kita bisa terus belajar membuka pikiran kita tentang dunia ini.

3. Jadikan prinsip belajar yang tidak mengenal akhir sebagai prinsip hidupmu. Ini penting sekali, agar ketika menghadapi masalah kamu bisa berpikir bahwa Tuhan sedang memberikan kita satu masalah untuk diselesaikan sekaligus mendapatkan ilmu dari proses penyelesaiannya.

4. Luangkan waktu untuk refleksi dan kontemplasi. Mengambil waktu untuk merenung sangatlah baik karena kamu bisa bertanya lagi tentang apa yang telah kamu buat hari ini. Baik-kah perbuatan kita hari ini, apakah kesalahan yang fatal yang telah kita lakukan hari ini. Dan apakah kita sudah menjadi orang yang dapat menempatkan diri hari ini. Tanyakan terus ke dalam diri agar kesadaran merubah diri hingga menjadi bijaksana itu terwujud.

5. Belajarlah mendengarkan masukan orang lain. Kalau kita tidak sanggup mendengarkan orang lain berarti kita tidak layak menjadi bijak karena kita sangat egois terhadap opini orang lain.

6. Jangan tergesa-gesa dalam mengambil keputusan. Sebaiknya ambilah waktu sejenak untuk berpikir tentang masalah itu dan memikirkan solusi terbaiknya. Ingatlah anak muda, keputusan spontan dan tergesa-gesa itu bisa merugikan orang lain. Kamu masih mau membuat orang lain menderita?

7. Jadilah pribadi yang bersahaja dan ramah pada setiap orang.

8. Bertanggung jawablah pada setiap keputusan dalam hidupmu. Lari dari masalah tidak akan menyelesaikan masalah. Semakin kita masuk dan menyelesaikan masalah, insyaAllah pribadi kita bisa jadi semakin bijak.

9. Buatlah hidupmu simple, janganlah dibuat susah. Dan ingatlah ketika ada masalah yang dicari adalah solusinya bukan menyalahkan siapa yang harus bertanggung jawab.

10. Berbagilah dengan orang lain.

Begitu saja dulu anak muda. Kita tidak bisa ngobrol terlalu lama karena saya ada undangan jadi pembicara di tempat lain.'

'Ok mbah, terima kasih atas saran2nya. Aku boleh datang lagi kan'

'Ya tentu saja, datanglah sesuka hatimu,' jawabnya dengan senyum lebir tersungging.

Alhamdulilah hari ini aku dapat ilmu banyak dari mbah google. Besok mungkin aku akan mampir lagi ke tempat beliau untuk nanya-nanya apa aja because he's got the knowledge I don't have. Hehehe... Oke deh kayaknya hidupku harus dimulai dari hari ini. Learning how to be wise.. Bagaimana dengan kamu?